Why do I feel worse after couples therapy?
Couples therapy is often seen as the last lifeline for struggling relationships, a space where partners can reconnect, resolve conflicts, and deepen their emotional bonds. However, it’s not uncommon to leave a session feeling worse than when you walked in. This may seem counterproductive at first, but the discomfort you’re feeling might actually be part of the healing process. In this blog, we’ll explore why couples therapy can sometimes leave you feeling down, how it can bring buried emotions to the surface, and what to do with those feelings to help you and your partner grow closer.
The Purpose of Couples Therapy
Building Communication and Understanding
The primary goal of couples therapy is to help partners communicate more effectively and understand each other better. Arvada therapists at Rocky Mountain Relational Therapy specialize in various therapeutic modalities like the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy, both of which focus on improving the emotional connection between partners. However, deepening communication often means addressing unresolved issues that have been swept under the rug.
Therapist and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman says, “Couples who avoid conflict are destined for failure. The key to a successful relationship is being able to communicate through difficult emotions, not just the easy ones.” Therapy pushes you to confront issues head-on, which can be uncomfortable and emotionally draining.
Digging Deep: Why Therapy Feels Hard
When you begin couples therapy, you’re opening the door to conversations you might have been avoiding for years. Buried emotions like resentment, fear, or past trauma may come up, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. This can lead to feelings of sadness, frustration, or even anger.
Arvada Therapy practices like Rocky Mountain Relational Therapy use modalities such as Internal Family Systems and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help couples identify and work through their emotional blocks. But the initial stage of uncovering these deep-seated feelings can make you feel worse before you feel better. Just like when you clean out a cluttered closet, things often get messier before they get organized.
Why You Might Feel Worse After Couples Therapy
Uncovering Buried Emotions and Trauma
One of the main reasons you might feel worse after couples therapy is because therapy often brings long-buried emotions and traumas to the surface. Whether it’s a past argument, unspoken resentment, or childhood trauma that’s affecting your relationship, digging into these areas can be painful.
Therapists at Arvada therapy practices are trained to create a safe environment for these emotions to come out, but that doesn’t mean the process is easy. You might find yourself re-experiencing emotions you thought you had dealt with or discovering feelings you didn’t even realize you had. This emotional turbulence can feel overwhelming, but it’s a necessary part of healing.
Quote: “Healing often feels like breaking at first,” says Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy. The difficult emotions you experience during therapy are a sign that you’re working through something important.
The Discomfort of Change
Another reason you might feel worse is that therapy forces you to confront uncomfortable truths about your relationship or yourself. Change is hard, and couples therapy often requires both partners to change their behaviors, thought patterns, and communication styles. The process of change can feel daunting, and it’s natural to feel resistant or overwhelmed.
For example, if one partner has been avoiding conflict and the other has been pushing for more emotional connection, therapy may push both partners to step outside their comfort zones. This can create temporary friction and emotional discomfort as each person adjusts to new ways of interacting.
Therapy as a Mirror
Therapy can act as a mirror, reflecting back parts of yourself and your relationship that you might not want to see. It can be hard to face the realization that you’ve been contributing to the problems in your relationship, or that your partner’s perspective is valid even if you disagree with it. This kind of self-awareness can be jarring and lead to feelings of guilt or shame.
How Couples Therapy Can Help You Bond
An Opportunity for Deeper Connection
Despite the discomfort, couples therapy also offers a unique opportunity to bond with your partner. By bringing painful emotions to the surface, you’re giving yourselves the chance to confront and resolve issues together. When you work through these challenges, you may find that your relationship becomes stronger and more resilient.
At Arvada therapy practices, therapists use tools like the Gottman Method to help couples navigate these tough emotions in a way that fosters connection rather than division. The discomfort you feel in the moment can lead to breakthroughs that bring you closer together in the long run.
Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability
Couples therapy creates a structured environment where both partners can be vulnerable without fear of judgment. Sharing your deepest fears, frustrations, and insecurities with your partner can help build trust and intimacy. While it’s uncomfortable to express these feelings at first, doing so can help you understand each other on a deeper level and strengthen your emotional connection.
What to Do With the Bad Feelings After Therapy
Talk to Your Partner
If you’re feeling worse after therapy, the worst thing you can do is bottle up those emotions. Therapy is designed to improve communication, so use the tools you’ve learned to talk openly with your partner about how you’re feeling. Sharing your discomfort can help both of you process what’s happening and ensure that you’re on the same page.
Allow Yourself to Process
It’s also important to give yourself time to process the emotions that therapy brings up. After a tough session, you might feel like you’re carrying a heavy emotional load. Take some time for self-care, whether that’s journaling, going for a walk, or talking to a close friend. Processing these emotions on your own can help you bring a clearer mind to your next therapy session.
Focus on the Long-Term Goal
Remember that therapy is a process, and feeling worse before you feel better is part of that process. The goal of couples therapy isn’t immediate relief but long-term change. By staying committed to the therapy process, you’re investing in a stronger, healthier relationship. Arvada therapists at RMRT are there to guide you through this journey, even when it feels difficult.
Conclusion
Feeling worse after couples therapy is more common than people realize, but it’s often a sign that you’re doing the hard work of healing and growth. By uncovering buried emotions, facing uncomfortable truths, and working through trauma, you and your partner have the opportunity to build a stronger, more resilient relationship. If you’re struggling with the emotions that therapy brings up, don’t be afraid to talk to your partner or your therapist about how you’re feeling. Remember, discomfort is a natural part of the therapeutic process, but with patience and dedication, it can lead to real change and deeper connection.
If you’re considering working with a therapist in Arvada, Rocky Mountain Relational Therapy serves Arvada and surrounding communities including Alta Vista Area, Arvada Plaza Area, Scenic Heights, Lamar Heights, Allendale Area, Rainbow Ridge, Club Crest, Highlands, Northwest Arvada, Wheat Ridge. The first step is to schedule a free initial consultation; that way you can get a feel for us and decide whether we’re best placed to help you. Simply call (720)-580-3866 or visit our booking page to schedule your consultation.