When Everything Finally Made Sense
Learning to Work With My Brain
I didn’t know I was neurodivergent.
I just knew I struggled with spelling and felt behind. I couldn’t tell my b’s from my d’s. I was diagnosed with dyslexia in elementary school. At least that gave me some understanding of why things were hard and eventually, the tools to get by.
But still, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t start tasks unless I was under pressure. Why I’d stay up until 1 a.m. working on something I’d known about for weeks. Why rushing out the door or trying to find a parking spot made me so overstimulated I’d end up hitting myself out of frustration. Why sitting still made me feel like I was crawling out of my skin. Why even small bits of criticism from my partner felt like rejection. Why I walked through life wearing a mask I couldn’t take off.
I was the one who never quite fit into the box the world seemed to expect me to.
I got through college with late nights and a lot of stress. There were deadlines, structure, and some support, and that helped. In my final year, I worked as a preschool assistant. After graduation, I stayed in the role, but I burned out fast. Low pay and high emotional labor wore me down. I decided to make a change.
When I quit that job, I had more free time than I’d ever had. I thought I’d use it well. I’d clean, cook, and finally write that novel I’d always dreamed about. But instead, I couldn’t get out of bed. I wasn’t lazy, but I was stuck. My partner didn’t understand how someone with so much free time could do absolutely nothing.
Eventually, I pivoted to marketing. I thought it would be a good fit, something that used my writing degree. I landed an internship at a Fortune 500 company and moved to a new state, ready to start fresh. At first, I was killing it. I was the best intern. People liked me. I worked overtime. I felt like I was finally getting it right. Then I started slipping.
Little mistakes in my slide decks. Feedback that stung. Then came the big presentation, the one that would decide if I got a full-time offer. And I couldn’t start. I didn’t know how to break it down. I just froze.
During the practice run, I bombed. I wasn’t prepared. My boss was furious. He told me I’d wasted his time and his team’s time. He said they weren’t allowed to help me anymore. I was on my own.
I cried. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated. But I kept going. I stayed up late, worked on it alone, and tried to pull it together.
And on the morning of the final presentation, in front of the CEO, I couldn’t do it. I felt dread in my body and shame in my chest. I knew I was going to fall apart again. So I walked into the office, left my laptop and materials on the desk, and walked out. I quit by email. I didn’t answer the phone when they called.
Later, someone asked if I’d present to a smaller group. I did. It went well. But it didn’t change the truth. I didn’t fall short because I didn’t care. I struggled because I didn’t understand how my brain worked.
That was the turning point.
Through therapy, research, and reflection, I found out I have ADHD. I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t broken. I was overwhelmed, overstimulated, and unsupported in a world that rewards neurotypical productivity and punishes difference.
Since then, I’ve learned how to work with my brain, not against it. I went to grad school. I became a therapist. Now I co-own a business and work at a community mental health center.
I’ve learned how to ask for help. How to create structure. How to build systems that work for me. I’ve learned that executive dysfunction doesn’t mean failure. It means I need different tools. And I’ve learned that my ADHD isn’t something to fix. It’s something to understand. If you’re struggling in places where everyone else seems to thrive, you are not lazy. You’re not broken.
You might just be wired differently. And that’s okay.
If you’re considering working with a therapist in Denver, Rocky Mountain Relational Therapy serves Denver and surrounding communities including Alta Vista Area, Arvada Plaza Area, Scenic Heights, Lamar Heights, Allendale Area, Rainbow Ridge, Club Crest, Highlands, Northwest Arvada, Wheat Ridge. The first step is to schedule a free initial consultation; that way you can get a feel for us and decide whether we’re best placed to help you. Simply visit our booking page to schedule your consultation.