How to Build Tolerance for Uncertainty in an Uncertain World
Have you ever replayed a conversation on the drive home, wondering if you talked too much? Refreshed your patient portal even though you knew your lab results weren’t expected until tomorrow? Checked your email one more time after submitting a job application, hoping this time there would be an answer waiting for you?
Maybe you’ve found yourself scrolling through reviews before making a purchase, reading article after article before making a decision, or texting a friend, “Be honest… do you think I handled that okay?”
Although these situations look different on the surface, they often have something in common. They aren’t always about finding more information. More often, they’re about finding certainty.
It’s also worth acknowledging that uncertainty feels especially loud right now. Many of us are navigating rising costs, changing job markets, health concerns, political division, rapidly evolving technology, and a constant stream of information about what might happen next. It isn’t irrational that our nervous systems are searching for something solid to stand on.
The challenge is that many of life’s biggest questions simply don’t come with guarantees. No amount of planning, researching, or worrying can completely eliminate uncertainty. Yet our brains often convince us that if we could just gather one more piece of information, we’d finally be able to relax.
Unfortunately, that’s not usually how anxiety works.
Why Our Brains Chase Certainty
Our brains are prediction machines. They’re constantly scanning for patterns, anticipating problems, and trying to keep us safe. From an evolutionary perspective, this makes perfect sense. If our ancestors noticed potential danger before everyone else, they were more likely to survive.
The problem is that our brains haven’t quite caught up to the modern world.
Today, many of the things that create stress can’t be solved with immediate action. We can’t instantly know whether a relationship will work out, whether we’ll get the job, whether a loved one is truly okay, or what the future economy will look like. These questions don’t have quick answers, yet our brains continue searching for them anyway.
Psychologists refer to this as intolerance of uncertainty, which describes how difficult it feels to cope with not knowing what will happen next. Research has consistently found that people with higher intolerance of uncertainty experience more worry and anxiety because uncertainty itself begins to feel threatening rather than simply unknown. Importantly, this isn’t unique to one diagnosis. It shows up across many forms of anxiety and in everyday life.¹
Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do. The difficulty is that anxiety often mistakes certainty for safety.
When Reassurance Starts Keeping Us Stuck
When uncertainty feels uncomfortable, most of us naturally look for ways to reduce it.
Sometimes that means gathering helpful information, asking thoughtful questions, or seeking advice from someone we trust. Those responses can be healthy and appropriate.
Other times, we find ourselves checking one more time.
Replaying the conversation.
Refreshing the inbox.
Googling another symptom.
Asking someone if they’re sure everything is okay.
The relief that follows is real. If you’ve ever felt your shoulders relax after finally getting an answer, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
The challenge isn’t reassurance itself. The challenge is that our brains are incredible learners.
Each time reassurance becomes our primary way of calming anxiety, our nervous systems begin linking relief with certainty.
Instead of learning, I can handle not knowing,
we gradually learn, I need an answer before I can feel okay.
Over time, this can become a self-reinforcing cycle.
Uncertainty → Anxiety → Checking or Reassurance → Temporary Relief → Stronger Urge to Seek Certainty Next Time
Research on reassurance seeking suggests that while it reduces anxiety in the moment, repeated reassurance can unintentionally strengthen the belief that uncertainty is dangerous and must be resolved before we can feel safe.²
This is why reassurance often works in the short term while making anxiety feel louder over time.
So What Can We Do Instead?
Building tolerance for uncertainty doesn’t mean pretending uncertainty is easy or refusing to ask for help. It means gradually expanding your capacity to experience uncertainty without immediately trying to make it disappear.
Like any skill, it develops through practice. Here are four places to start:
1. Ask yourself what you’re actually looking for.
The next time you feel the urge to check, research, or ask for reassurance, pause for a moment.
Ask yourself:
- Am I looking for new information?
- Or am I hoping this will make my anxiety go away?
Sometimes we genuinely need information. Other times, we’re asking information to do a job it simply can’t do. That distinction matters.
2. Check in with your nervous system before looking for another answer.
When we’re outside our window of tolerance, uncertainty naturally feels bigger and more urgent. Our brains become more focused on escaping discomfort than solving problems.
Before assuming you need another answer, ask yourself:
- Have I eaten today?
- Am I exhausted?
- Am I overwhelmed?
- Am I emotionally flooded?
- Have I had any real downtime this week?
Sometimes your nervous system doesn’t need another answer, it needs regulation first.
3. Practice delaying the urge.
You don’t have to stop seeking reassurance overnight.
Instead, experiment with creating a little space between the urge and the action.
- Maybe it’s waiting five minutes before refreshing your email.
- Ten minutes before Googling the symptom.
- An hour before asking someone for reassurance.
Those small moments may not seem significant, but they give your nervous system an opportunity to learn something new: uncertainty is uncomfortable, and you can survive discomfort without immediately making it disappear.
Over time, those small moments begin to add up.
4. Build trust in yourself, not certainty in the outcome.
Many of us spend our energy asking,
“How can I know this is the right decision?”
A different question might be,
“Do I trust myself to respond if this doesn’t go the way I hope?”
One question asks you to predict the future.
The other reminds you that you’ve already navigated uncertainty before.
Confidence doesn’t come from controlling every possible outcome. More often, it grows from repeatedly discovering that you’re capable of adapting when life doesn’t go according to plan.
Finding Steady Ground in an Uncertain World
The truth is, uncertainty isn’t going anywhere.
There will always be decisions we can’t make with complete confidence, conversations we wish we could predict, and seasons of life where the future feels unclear.
While we can’t eliminate uncertainty, we can expand our capacity to move through it.
Each time you pause before seeking reassurance, allow yourself to sit with a difficult question a little longer, or remind yourself that your worth isn’t determined by getting every decision exactly right, you’re teaching your nervous system something important.
You don’t need certainty to move forward.
You need enough trust in yourself to believe that whatever comes next, you’ll find a way to meet it.
If you find yourself caught in cycles of overthinking, reassurance seeking, or anxiety that make it difficult to move forward, therapy can help. At Rocky Mountain Relational Therapy, we work with individuals to better understand these patterns, strengthen nervous system regulation, and build confidence in navigating life’s uncertainties. Reach out to schedule a free consultation today.
References
Parrish, C. L., Radomsky, A. S., & Dugas, M. J. (2008). An experimental investigation of the effect of repeated reassurance seeking on anxiety and uncertainty.
Carleton, R. N. (2016). Fear of the unknown: One fear to rule them all? Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 41, 5–21.
If you’re considering working with a therapist in Arvada, Rocky Mountain Relational Therapy serves Denver and surrounding communities including Alta Vista Area, Arvada Plaza Area, Scenic Heights, Lamar Heights, Allendale Area, Rainbow Ridge, Club Crest, Highlands, Northwest Arvada, Wheat Ridge. The first step is to schedule a free initial consultation; that way you can get a feel for us and decide whether we’re best placed to help you. Simply visit our booking page to schedule your consultation.